Good morning last day of 2012!
Well, what can I say? I must admit I have been waiting for this day to come. I just wanted this year to end. I don’t want to say that this year is the worst. I think it’s safer to say, that I had better years. 2010 and 2011 were probably the best ones so far.
The thing about this year is that I felt like I’m not living the life MOST of the time. It’s been a little tasteless and monotonous. And (I know this is a strong word to use but) I HATED that I felt lifeless.
Be that as it is, I also realised that I have missed out the fine and the important details that were shadowed by all the overwhelming negativity. This year was not bad at all since:
Of course when I got back from my wonderful time in the Philippines, I’m now home with my family. Four long years being away is not a joke. I mean, I missed all of them and making up for those years just talking and catching up on everything we missed from each other’s lives is probably one of the precious stuff this year.
I had the motivation to find a job instead of staying at home doing nothing but cleaning and cooking and being bored thinking about the whole universe and why some people are just f*cking assh- (Okay. You get my point, right?) So yeah, it was nice to experience how it is that you make money for yourself and that it is not easy. I understand my parents better now.
Friends. Well certainly, I have made quite a few good friends here. I’m thankful for them for they spiced up my year and I hope I did the same to them too. The parties, the laughs, the good conversations and of course the time - I’m glad I met them (some in the most peculiar way which I always smile about.) Although, without a drop of doubt, I have been nostalgic most of the time thinking back about my mains back in the Philippines. It makes me sick how I can’t get back to the times we spent being crazy, drunk, shallow, deep, food whores, party addicts, etc. I considered myself as a goody good girl before. But when I met them, I realised that IT’S OKAY TO DO BAD THINGS AS LONG AS YOU’RE DOING IT WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE. But they also taught me how to choose my fun. You just have to know that you want to get out of certain things. In my case, it’s the memories and experience.
Realisations. Lots and lots and lots of them but I’ll only mention a few. This year clearly told me to appreciate life, people, things and of course myself. I came to be aware of, again, the fact that hey! I’m a human being, susceptible to hurt and bad decisions and the ability to hurt others too. I had to forgive myself for that. Let it all go and now I know why I shouldn’t be feeling that way anymore. Life is awesome. Unpredictable but you always have to look on the brighter side. You know, the excitement of the unknown. That’s what keeps me going. And yes, to understand the reason why I shouldn’t waste time on the wrong people, even just talking about them. People who brings in negative vibrations. Every single action we make in our lives, be it right or wrong, good or bad, we did it because we wanted something from it. So if I leave certain people behind together with 2012, it’s because I want to and of course I have some pretty and some ugly reasons why.
God. I believe that He is the MOST important part of this year, the past years and the years to come. The world and the people in it can be really discouraging most of the time but His love is just so strong that it made me look at this disfigured universe and still find beauty in it. It’s an awesome feeling that even if everything is going wrong, once you are spiritually hydrated and once you believe in His plans, you will still feel safe. Trust.
So there it is. To be honest, as I was going on and on in this blog, I fully realised that 2012 wasn’t that bad. It’s funny how foolish I am to think I didn’t get anything good from it.
Roll on 2013! With you, I want to feel alive…again.
The Weeknd - Montreal
Mike Posner - Heaven(Sandy Hook Elementary Tribute)
Today my prayers are in the sky, tomorrow they will still be there for you. <3
Jeff Bernat | Just Vibe
Kiss me - Ed Sheeran
And your heart’s against my chest, your lips pressed in my neck / I’m falling for your eyes, but they don’t know me yet / And with a feeling I’ll forget, I’m in love now.
Yeah I’ve been feeling everything /From hate to love / From love to lust / From lust to truth / I guess that’s how I know you / So I hold you close to help you give it up
Such a beautiful song. I didn’t really get to listen to it until I heard it on the recent Vampire Diaries episode. Oh Damon.
Matt Nathanson - Come On Get Higher(Acoustic)
So come on get higher, loosen my lips. Faith and desire and the swing of your hips. Just pull me down hard and drown me in love. <3
Imogen Heap - Hide And Seek
I’ve seen your act
And I know all the facts
I’m still in love with who I wish you were
It ain’t hard to see
Who you are underneath
I’m still in love with who I wish you were
And I wish you were here
C’est L’amour-Rosi Golan
I saw him, I felt the room divide into pieces/ Oh, the lights danced around us just like stars in the sky.
C’est la vie/ C’est la chance/ C’est l’amour.
World I Need You, Won’t Be Without You (Proem) - How To Dress Well
Just Impolite - Plushgun
Friday night became so lonely,
When you came to make a break,
That seemed to take all day to make me angry ‘cause I
Like you, maybe I’m just Like You
Holding on to something that we know we can not hold
or fold it seems it seems we just can’t forget
Are you frightened, by perfection?
Is this who you are, not who you want to be,
I walk the line like Johnny Cash
I made the bus in seconds flat
I called your line too many times
I’m not obsessed, just impolite.
Sunday came and went so quickly
now you say you want me back
you will hold on, despite my cons,
it seems we’re meant to hate it!
Being so dependent.
But it seems we can believe that we’re two peas in this pod
we call New York, gets so lonesome.
Are you frightened, by neglection?
Am I who you want to see yourself to be?
The Script - No Words
The Kids Were Wrong-Memoryhouse
Come, sleep, nothing is changing/ I’ll be right here by your side/ Great teens, colors fading/ In the stillness of the night.
You’re hiding in daydreams/ Can’t find our way to the light/ And…and reunites and we can/ We’ll see daylight through the blinds.
Lloyd ft. Lil Wayne - Want You (Carlo Anton Cover)
Lykke Li - I Follow River (Magician Remix)
“You’re my river running high, run deep, run wild.”